I’ll be there

(For Jacob)

 

I’ll be there for you

I will hold your hand or hold your beer

I will look up into the sky with you and dream with you the dreams we had we were young and we didn’t know better that we couldn’t be everything that we wanted to be then

Something great, something moving

We could touch the stars and see things in people that we could never see now

Let me love you when you need to be loved and held because no one would do it before when you needed it

Or maybe you need a laugh and joke, a shared moment between you and me that we can bring up when others are around but they won’t know like we know

They won’t feel like we feel

It’s a moment just a moment that I can give you when you need it

To hold it

I hold you like a snowflake and hope that I can see you before you fade away and melt in my hand then flow through the cracks that tell the story of our lives

I’ll be there

I’ll be there

And when there’s a moon out full with a red ring around it that can only mean bad things will happen for you

I’ll be there

Like the ocean is there for the fish who breathe it and the birds are there to fly in the sky so the sky isn’t lonely all the time

I’ll be there like the mothers are there for daughters and like brothers are there for sisters and friends are there for other friends

Because no one gets you like I get you

And no one can see like I see you

And no one can heal like I can heal you

If you let me

Because if you do I will try to mend your heart with my needle and thread

Threading back and forth beneath your skin then I kiss your hand to hide the scars that life may bring when it’s being harsh

I’ll be there when the path is darker than your fears and it eats you whole because it’s easy and hides in the corners of your mind where loneliness hides

Like a waiting lion crouched low in the brushes

Like a chameleon changing to hide what’s deep inside that only I can see

So push forward through so you can see that clouds bring happiness too even when they’re gray and cold because

Even trees with no leaves hold beauty deep inside

If you look and see the way it moves

Move free

Away from pain because if you do and you find a light inside and it makes you smile with hope only youth brings and you see a future better than here

I’ll be here to listen

I’ll be here to jump around with you and sing with you and dance with you

I’ll pick up smiles with you and we can share them with the world still hidden in their fears

And when you hear the happy parts of music not the sad

And when you eat ice cream because it tastes good and not because it makes you feel good

When you can fly and not fall

I’ll be there

Not to pick you up but to clap and to cheer as you fly away into the sunlit sky

Face alight with joy and knowing

That you are here in this world with me and you

And all the things you love and all the sounds you want to hear again and again because those sweet melodies never grow old deep inside your soul

Where you sometimes hide but don’t get stuck down there when you can share your soul because we’re all listening and we all want to know

What light hides behind your eyes in blue pools that grow lighter and lighter the more you come near

I’ll be there

 

 

Early Sunset Nov 10, 2010

Royal blue skies and,

Atomic bomb clouds

Over Coburg Hills,

Bursting shadows of fire,

Like angels blushing at

Being caught in the sun.

 

 

Jessyy Day 105

Jessyy Day 104

A Meditation Upon the Future

Today is the day, the moment when the first step is taken. The peak, the climax, wherefrom every step is easier, faster, closer to doom. This is where the foundation stone is laid, and the past is cleared away to make room for sidewalks, irrigation, and the rest. This is it. This is ground zero. The future blooms like a mushroom cloud. Shockwaves blast outward, searing the Earth, turning sand to glass, ripping trees from the ground, vaporizing houses, burning our shadows into the ground, laying waste to our past.

Every Last River

Against the fall of night, over the phone, tell me things I have done. Tell me reasons. Say to me how I am lost, and you are found. Ignore yourself. Drive me to drink. Drive me to smoke. Sometime when silence comes, ask me to stray, to stay away. Promise me dazzling loneliness. Promise me remembrance and regret. Remind me that tears run away and away into the sea, and the sea remains salt. On some distant day, meet me by chance. Don’t recognize me. Walk past me, oblivious, carrying a newborn in your arms. Haunt me with that memory until every last river finally stops inching, ice.

I Looked Out and Saw Sun

I looked out and

            saw sun through my window,

Splashing rainbows through

                        raindrops on the wall.

The fish bowl a mossy green

            lamp on the sill.

Little red fish sitting still.

Time for a walk

            before the fog returns to his weeping.

A sweater and music,

            snuff the incense.

Wind is a bitter cold thief

                        running away with my warmth.

A light mist in the air.

I walk to the south

            pass the old houses.

Sky seems clearer,

                        but the mist thickens.

A wet dog barking.

I wrap my scarf, red wool and scratchy,

            a few more times around my neck.

Wind races down the hill

            flicking my ears on its way by.

I’m very damp and becoming dangerously close

                        to being wet.

Time to turn back.

The safety of my porch,

            dug down in the earth beyond the reach of wind,

Approaches as water first begins to pool,

and drip down my face.

It’s raining now.

It’s warm inside, and everything

                        glows in the light

I take a long shower,

            warm my bones in hot water and steam.

Step out into the cold,

naked and dripping.

I look out and

            see sun through my window.

 

the poet inside
Has died
Lying face down
On the floor
Blood splattered paint
dripping
Wet walls
With the moon
Who croons
A sorrowful tune

To Whom This Speaks, You Know Who You Are

This might be nonsense

Coming up with the sun

And strange colors

Who wake me with

Their music

Or maybe I’m still dreaming.

The sea is an easy symbol

To find meaning

Floating like dead

Seal washed up

On the beach

For This I Have No Name, Only Pain

To the casual observer it may seem

The ocean beats futile against

The great cliffs of shore

Or that the damn, solid concrete and iron

May hold back forever the flood waters

And melted snow, bulging rivers

Until a single crack in the damn

Gives way to all the pent up pressure

And you can see the bodies floating

In the valleys or out in the surf

Learning through silence the danger

Of feeling too safe.

The Mother/ The Father

Nietzsche had it all wrong

Father is gone

And in all our anger

We murder our mother.

Huddled close to her bosom,

Where will you go

when she’s gone?

 

What It Means to Wake Up Lying on Your Back on the Side of the Road:

Stars melt in the night sky
Lying on my back
Listening to
Drunk screams
Stumbling down the street,
It seams so far away.
Where am I?
How did I get here?
To be lying on the concrete,
Sore neck, throbbing head.
I can see color in the
Ominous dark.
Dreams of,
Red tide and beating hearts
Lost in transit between
Love and loss.
Red and black.